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:icontodo-mahem: More from todo-mahem

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Literature by avgreen

Literature by homestucker42

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Submitted on
August 27, 2008
File Size
1.2 KB


161 (who?)
If I opened my heart just like a book,
how would you see me? Would you even still look?
Would you push me away and pretend I'm not there?
Would the honest me be just too much to bear?

If I threw away caution, let it fly in the wind.
Told you my secrets let all of you in.
Would you still look at me kindly, even still care?
Would you hold my hand gently and still be there?

If I looked at you with anger and sadness or fear,
with you, knowing the reasons, still lend an ear?
If I was to cry and fall down on my face,
would you lie and say nicely it was done with some grace?

With all of my faults laid out to see,
could you accept them and love them honestly?
The price you would pay seeing me under the light,
all the imperfection's and scars no more out of sight.

If you knew me, all of me, open and whole,
would you still say you love me, with all of your soul?
Would you look at me, the same as you do,
when you think that you know me,
when I know that's not true.
WELL funny story here, I was reading an artists comment on a deviation and they were talking about the category being 'open' and wallah... I opened note pad and wrote the word 'open'. That was last night. So just before I opened it again, and just wrote this. Some things just come to you... in freaky and weird ways. :\

Plz Comment/Critisize :heart:
I didn't actually write the meaning behind the poem from my point of view... and I feel I want to now.
Being open has always been really hard for me. I can't share my past with my close friends even because I have once done this..and lost that friend. :\
This isn't just about 'love' it's about friendship. Can't base a friendship on lies and you can't keep secrets forever. I'm scared to tell the truth and loose my friends.

I hide a lot of my past, it's a hard thing to open up. I guess when I wrote this, that was what I wanted to say.

I love my friends a lot for not pressuring me when I know they know that I am hiding things. Thanks guys... for you I guess [= :heart:

100 Themes: 23. Open.

Poem © =todo-mahem
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Touching, nicely said. However I have a few suggestions. I think that it needs a bit more punctuation to set the flow and pauses of the poem. For example,

"with you knowing the reasons, still lend an ear?"

might read better with a comma between you and knowing. Let the reader interpret the meaning, not how it is supposed to be read.

Also I think you can answer the questions as well for a more touching effect. For instance, you list "Would you hold my hand gently and still be there?", but you don't state your side of this. Would you do it? How far would you go for someone? If you're questioning devotion, let us know your devotion as well.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
12 out of 14 deviants thought this was fair.

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DarkZero2109 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You have trouble being your whole self, too? Welcome to the club, my friend.

Anyways, this is a nice piece you got here. I really like it, to put it lightly. It sums up how I feel about myself quite nicely.
saffyjemz Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013
Nice work realy went to the heart xx
Muteyscott Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Student General Artist
Wow thats the cutest thing ive ever read that realy touched my heart :)
tom190u Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Loved the flow and the point i used to feel this way then i realized anyone that leaves my life is better off gone because they simply don't care about me.
defiantsindeed Featured By Owner May 5, 2013
Hhmmm...... I envey your OPEN, and that is very new; however, I did the same as you did.... I hide in my room with no one with me in my room, so no one can see what i create, in an empty room, im in four walls, confined by four walls, i cant give in, contempt by my desire, when I die people will see, what I desire, what I wished in confined walls, is M.A.D., Mutural, Assured, Destruction.
MarkYanko Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013
Just want to say that this touched a place in me. I felt as I read it that I knew this mental and emotional space you were describing, and that I've visited this place in my own life, in fact, pretty often. I'm particularly feeling it often very recently as I've entered an amazing relationship over the past year, and I know that I've been blessed. But the insecure side of the human psyche will always leave us asking questions like these of ourselves and others, it seems. Anyway, bravo to you for capturing this so well in verse.
explothedarkone Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The heart is such a fickle thing
The reasoning behind nearly everything
I realize that your heart is sad
But I don't judge
My heart was once filled with darkness and hate
Until she came into my life
The pain I had felt was no longer my own
But then when she left for someone else
The darkness returned and expelled itself out showing who I had always been
It traveled and worked its way throughout me and eventually I was just a shellonce again
But then my true friends found me and it was them who set me free so when you ask if you can show your heart to me
I will gladly say yes and be a true friend I will always be by your side in the storm I will be your shelter take the blows from the insults so you won't have to
And one day maybe I'll be who I've longed to be
explothedarkone Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Very nice
explothedarkone Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Stupid tablet

I understand what that's like
alexandergrandloupe Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
if I saw you
saw your heart
it'd be true
it'd be a new start
but is it just so hard to see
that you'll be you
and ill be me
fear is mostly born of pain
but pride shines brightest in the rain
the love beneath it seems to shine
so I'll be yours,
would you be mine?
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