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:icontodo-mahem: More from todo-mahem


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Literature by avgreen

Literature by homestucker42


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Submitted on
August 27, 2008
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If I opened my heart just like a book,
how would you see me? Would you even still look?
Would you push me away and pretend I'm not there?
Would the honest me be just too much to bear?

If I threw away caution, let it fly in the wind.
Told you my secrets let all of you in.
Would you still look at me kindly, even still care?
Would you hold my hand gently and still be there?

If I looked at you with anger and sadness or fear,
with you, knowing the reasons, still lend an ear?
If I was to cry and fall down on my face,
would you lie and say nicely it was done with some grace?

With all of my faults laid out to see,
could you accept them and love them honestly?
The price you would pay seeing me under the light,
all the imperfection's and scars no more out of sight.

If you knew me, all of me, open and whole,
would you still say you love me, with all of your soul?
Would you look at me, the same as you do,
when you think that you know me,
when I know that's not true.
WELL funny story here, I was reading an artists comment on a deviation and they were talking about the category being 'open' and wallah... I opened note pad and wrote the word 'open'. That was last night. So just before I opened it again, and just wrote this. Some things just come to you... in freaky and weird ways. :\

Plz Comment/Critisize :heart:
[edit]
I didn't actually write the meaning behind the poem from my point of view... and I feel I want to now.
Being open has always been really hard for me. I can't share my past with my close friends even because I have once done this..and lost that friend. :\
This isn't just about 'love' it's about friendship. Can't base a friendship on lies and you can't keep secrets forever. I'm scared to tell the truth and loose my friends.

I hide a lot of my past, it's a hard thing to open up. I guess when I wrote this, that was what I wanted to say.

I love my friends a lot for not pressuring me when I know they know that I am hiding things. Thanks guys... for you I guess [= :heart:

100 Themes: 23. Open.


Poem © =todo-mahem
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:iconfurryomnivore:
Touching, nicely said. However I have a few suggestions. I think that it needs a bit more punctuation to set the flow and pauses of the poem. For example,

"with you knowing the reasons, still lend an ear?"

might read better with a comma between you and knowing. Let the reader interpret the meaning, not how it is supposed to be read.

Also I think you can answer the questions as well for a more touching effect. For instance, you list "Would you hold my hand gently and still be there?", but you don't state your side of this. Would you do it? How far would you go for someone? If you're questioning devotion, let us know your devotion as well.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
12 out of 14 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:icondarkzero2109:
DarkZero2109 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You have trouble being your whole self, too? Welcome to the club, my friend.

Anyways, this is a nice piece you got here. I really like it, to put it lightly. It sums up how I feel about myself quite nicely.
Reply
:iconsaffyjemz:
saffyjemz Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013
Nice work realy went to the heart xx
Reply
:iconmuteyscott:
Muteyscott Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Student General Artist
Wow thats the cutest thing ive ever read that realy touched my heart :)
Reply
:icontom190u:
tom190u Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Loved the flow and the point i used to feel this way then i realized anyone that leaves my life is better off gone because they simply don't care about me.
Reply
:icondefiantsindeed:
defiantsindeed Featured By Owner May 5, 2013
Hhmmm...... I envey your OPEN, and that is very new; however, I did the same as you did.... I hide in my room with no one with me in my room, so no one can see what i create, in an empty room, im in four walls, confined by four walls, i cant give in, contempt by my desire, when I die people will see, what I desire, what I wished in confined walls, is M.A.D., Mutural, Assured, Destruction.
Reply
:iconmarkyanko:
MarkYanko Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013
Just want to say that this touched a place in me. I felt as I read it that I knew this mental and emotional space you were describing, and that I've visited this place in my own life, in fact, pretty often. I'm particularly feeling it often very recently as I've entered an amazing relationship over the past year, and I know that I've been blessed. But the insecure side of the human psyche will always leave us asking questions like these of ourselves and others, it seems. Anyway, bravo to you for capturing this so well in verse.
Reply
:iconexplothedarkone:
explothedarkone Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The heart is such a fickle thing
The reasoning behind nearly everything
I realize that your heart is sad
But I don't judge
My heart was once filled with darkness and hate
Until she came into my life
The pain I had felt was no longer my own
But then when she left for someone else
The darkness returned and expelled itself out showing who I had always been
It traveled and worked its way throughout me and eventually I was just a shellonce again
But then my true friends found me and it was them who set me free so when you ask if you can show your heart to me
I will gladly say yes and be a true friend I will always be by your side in the storm I will be your shelter take the blows from the insults so you won't have to
And one day maybe I'll be who I've longed to be
Me
Reply
:iconexplothedarkone:
explothedarkone Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Very nice
Iunde
Reply
:iconexplothedarkone:
explothedarkone Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Stupid tablet

I understand what that's like
Reply
:iconalexandergrandloupe:
alexandergrandloupe Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
if I saw you
saw your heart
it'd be true
it'd be a new start
but is it just so hard to see
that you'll be you
and ill be me
fear is mostly born of pain
but pride shines brightest in the rain
the love beneath it seems to shine
so I'll be yours,
would you be mine?
Reply
:iconalexandergrandloupe:
alexandergrandloupe Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
if I saw you
saw your heart
it'd be true
it'd be a new start
but is it just so hard to see
that you'll be you
and ill be me
fear is mostly born of pain
but pride shines brightest in the rain
the love beneath it seems to shine
so I'll be yours,
would you be mine?
Reply
:iconteddymannen:
TeddyMannen Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013
I liked it, you're a good writer.
Reply
:icontwilightxmystery:
twilightXmystery Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2013
This is lovely, I too find it hard to open myself up to people completely. I think it is something that many of us struggle with, as it is so easy to turn away from another when you find out something about them that you don't like.
Reply
:iconpaulwe:
Paulwe Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I just absolutely love it. A poem after my own heart.
Reply
:iconbl1zzardst0rm:
bl1zzardst0rm Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
it great i understand it truly
Reply
:iconreinahw:
ReinaHW Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013   Writer
It's never easy to open the heart to anyone, too many are too selfish and cruel.
Reply
:iconchrizcruz:
chrizcruz Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Professional Photographer
I love the honesty of your poem. :hug:
Reply
:iconcantpickaname735:
CantPickaName735 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Student General Artist
I love this. Was captivated by the first line:)
Reply
:iconuntitled512:
untitled512 Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
i can really relate to the poem, i keep things to myself and when i do open up, i dont expect to be criticize for my imperfection. it takes a lot to open up to someone and after all no one is perfect.

really nicely written.
Reply
:iconjtcheney:
jtcheney Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I just discovered your page via your llama advertising system. I do like this piece, it is stark reflection upon my own life. I'm glad I looked over your page, instead of gifting a llama back and being done!

I know all to well how hard it is to open up. The fear of rejection is a hard thing to swalllow. Especially when you do get comfortable with someone enough to really start being yourself, open up and let them in behind the walls.

That trust and friendship is the pivotal purpose and cornerstone of true love, imho. The problem with laying that cornerstone is that it's far to easy to get stuck in that friend zone... at least that's what my experience has taught me.

We are perfect beings surviving in an imperfect world. Would you agree?
Reply
:iconmangaluver1231:
mangaluver1231 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Love this!
Reply
:iconmrs-imprefect:
MRS-iMpReFeCt Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
took words right out of my mouth.
Reply
:iconmedicalwolf13:
MedicalWolf13 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012
Love the emotion.
Reply
:iconprussiancrimsonheart:
Awesome poem!
Reply
:iconloosepaper:
LoosePaper Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012
VERY well written. T me it really delves into why we keep our secrets, well, secret. Agaian, great thought and composition.
Reply
:iconilonewolf:
iLonewolf Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012   Writer
Really nice work.

I like the analogy to a book. You can read it many times, but really you will never truly understand what the writer was thinking when those words hit the page.

I especially like the last line.

/bow
Wolf
Reply
:iconpoeticmind42:
PoeticMind42 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
this is really beautiful the way your questioning thought process flows forward, expressing a cryptic openness that for some is hard to understand. sometimes the past is hard not to hide, with that i have to say that this poem really touched me. a really amazing poem
Reply
:iconduhova-vila:
Duhova-vila Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012
Beautiful - and spot on.
Reply
:iconmaddyjordan:
MaddyJordan Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sure lots of people have told you this -looks at comment bar- , but I feel like I really relate to this totally and completely. There are a lot of times that I just wish I could come out and put it all out there without being judged to know that I told someone and that's out now without being afraid of what people would think...

So in short I really love this.
Reply
:icondarkallegiance666:
darkallegiance666 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012
This is an excellent poem (although I question the word "with" & wonder if it would be better as "would"?).

I think that many of us feel this way. I'm 51 y/o & have only opened up about my past in the last few years. It has been surprisingly helpful & people have been very supportive, so I wish that I had done it earlier. You've got a long time to go to get to my age, though. :D

I just hope that this comment doesn't end up on your profile again, like my one about your kookaburra photo did!! :D
Reply
:icondarcat1530:
darcat1530 Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012
This is great!
Reply
:iconmytherianryder:
MytherianRyder Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012
you have a way with words i too have have a prob of being open. it's hard to be open when the friends you had previous are fake and talk behind your back .
Reply
:icontherainismytears:
TheRainIsMyTears Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
this is so beautiful!!! i know exactly how you feel
Reply
:iconspring-yellow:
Spring-Yellow Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2010
i love this so much!
Reply
:icongandalf-the-mahogany:
Gandalf-the-Mahogany Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2010   Writer
this is beautiful. I know how you feel, by the way. I too have dark things I must hide for my own, and other people's sake...and although I have let a few people in, some of those drew back in fear...this has touched me.
Reply
:icontodo-mahem:
todo-mahem Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
wow thankyou so much. ;A; <3
Reply
:icongandalf-the-mahogany:
Gandalf-the-Mahogany Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2010   Writer
no dear, thank YOU!!!

<3
Reply
:icongandalf-the-mahogany:
Gandalf-the-Mahogany Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2010   Writer
this is beautiful. I know how you feel, by the way. I too have dark things I must hide for my own, and other people's sake...and although I have let a few people in, some of those drew back in fear...this has touched me.
Reply
:iconsamiannrose:
SamiAnnRose Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
This is amazing. It kinda made me want to cry because it has a lot of the questions I want to ask my friend.

But seriously, great job :D
Reply
:icontodo-mahem:
todo-mahem Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thankyou. :heart:
I'm glad it means something to you. I think its always better to take the risk and ask... It's hard but you might not have the chance to ask them one day. :noes:
Reply
:iconsamiannrose:
SamiAnnRose Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
You're very welcome.
It is hard, but Im proud to say I'm in the process of asking them.
Reply
:iconastronobish:
astronobish Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2010
Absolutely beautiful. I loved this, very much. You're a brilliant writer! I have to say I felt something similar to this a few months ago and I did write something, but it was nowhere near this level. You managed to capture an emotion that so many people feel and make it into your own- or is it vice-versa?
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:icontodo-mahem:
todo-mahem Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thankyou so much *-*
I really appreciate your comment!! haha vice versa.. mm maybe? XD I know when I start writing a poem that there's some one out there who's probably written about it before, so when I come out with something I try my best to make it as personal and 'me' as possible to help it stand out.

Anyway, thankyou!! :heart:
Reply
:iconsoul-seer:
Soul-Seer Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2009
Excellently written...
Reply
:icontodo-mahem:
todo-mahem Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Why thanks.~
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:iconsoul-seer:
Soul-Seer Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2009
You're most welcome!
Reply
:icon9631-meaningless:
9631-meaningless Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2009
Wow! Thats beautiful, I can relate to that so much :worry:

My best mates barely know me, and they know me better than any of my other friends have, it makes me wonder what they'd think if they knew everything I thought and felt :hmm:
Reply
:icontodo-mahem:
todo-mahem Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Thankyou! I'm glad you can relate. Perhaps its time to let them know you..? Just saying :)
Reply
:icon9631-meaningless:
9631-meaningless Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2009
I'm trying to :)

your poem just knocked me over the precipice to make me make the effort :) (i hope that doesn't sound too cheesy)
Reply
:icontodo-mahem:
todo-mahem Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Nah it makes sense. Goodluck <3
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