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Open by =todo-mahem:icontodo-mahem:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Open


If I opened my heart just like a book,
how would you see me? Would you even still look?
Would you push me away and pretend I'm not there?
Would the honest me be just too much to bear?

If I threw away caution, let it fly in the wind.
Told you my secrets let all of you in.
Would you still look at me kindly, even still care?
Would you hold my hand gently and still be there?

If I looked at you with anger and sadness or fear,
with you, knowing the reasons, still lend an ear?
If I was to cry and fall down on my face,
would you lie and say nicely it was done with some grace?

With all of my faults laid out to see,
could you accept them and love them honestly?
The price you would pay seeing me under the light,
all the imperfection's and scars no more out of sight.

If you knew me, all of me, open and whole,
would you still say you love me, with all of your soul?
Would you look at me, the same as you do,
when you think that you know me,
when I know that's not true.
©2008-2009 =todo-mahem
:icontodo-mahem:

Author's Comments

WELL funny story here, I was reading an artists comment on a deviation and they were talking about the category being 'open' and wallah... I opened note pad and wrote the word 'open'. That was last night. So just before I opened it again, and just wrote this. Some things just come to you... in freaky and weird ways. :\

Plz Comment/Critisize :heart:
[edit]
I didn't actually write the meaning behind the poem from my point of view... and I feel I want to now.
Being open has always been really hard for me. I can't share my past with my close friends even because I have once done this..and lost that friend. :\
This isn't just about 'love' it's about friendship. Can't base a friendship on lies and you can't keep secrets forever. I'm scared to tell the truth and loose my friends.

I hide a lot of my past, it's a hard thing to open up. I guess when I wrote this, that was what I wanted to say.

I love my friends a lot for not pressuring me when I know they know that I am hiding things. Thanks guys... for you I guess [= :heart:


Poem © =todo-mahem

Critiques


:iconfurryomnivore:
=furryomnivore Mar 31, 2009, 9:45:49 PM
Touching, nicely said. However I have a few suggestions. I think that it needs a bit more punctuation to set the flow and pauses of the poem. For example,

"with you knowing the reasons, still lend an ear?"

might read better with a comma between you and knowing. Let the reader interpret the meaning, not how it is supposed to be read.

Also I think you can answer the questions as well for a more touching effect. For instance, you list "Would you hold my hand gently and still be there?", but you don't state your side of this. Would you do it? How far would you go for someone? If you're questioning devotion, let us know your devotion as well.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.
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love 1 1 joy 2 2 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 1 1 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconmandachele:
~mandachele Aug 26, 2008, 11:53:35 PM
this is really amazing! i really like how it flowed while i was reading it.

--
he said, "i'm gonna get you lost and if you love me you'll come find your way back to me."
:icontodo-mahem:
=todo-mahem Aug 26, 2008, 11:55:45 PM
Wow thankyou. (=

--
-if you live your life in fear of death.. then you do not live, for as humans we are given the gift of knowing that we will someday die, which makes life all the more worthwhile.-
:iconmandachele:
~mandachele Aug 26, 2008, 11:56:27 PM
no problem :]

--
he said, "i'm gonna get you lost and if you love me you'll come find your way back to me."
:iconstickman3:
~Stickman3 Aug 27, 2008, 12:02:07 AM
Yeah the flow is really good
I love it so much.

--
To Love And To Be Loved. Let's Just Hope That Is Enough.
:icontodo-mahem:
=todo-mahem Aug 27, 2008, 12:06:18 AM
thanks (=

--
-if you live your life in fear of death.. then you do not live, for as humans we are given the gift of knowing that we will someday die, which makes life all the more worthwhile.-
:icontodo-mahem:
=todo-mahem Aug 27, 2008, 1:04:06 AM
Yes? yes what?

--
-if you live your life in fear of death.. then you do not live, for as humans we are given the gift of knowing that we will someday die, which makes life all the more worthwhile.-
:iconrelentlessdream:
~relentlessdream Aug 27, 2008, 1:05:32 AM
Yes, to all the questions within the poem. :hmm:
:icontodo-mahem:
=todo-mahem Aug 27, 2008, 1:06:33 AM
Oh. I see.

--
-if you live your life in fear of death.. then you do not live, for as humans we are given the gift of knowing that we will someday die, which makes life all the more worthwhile.-
:iconkitty-kat-gone-bad:
*Kitty-Kat-Gone-Bad Aug 27, 2008, 2:33:48 AM
%| < look at that side on and it produces a funny face haha had to do that

its really good and it does make sense in a way that is kinda of hard to understand...if that even makes sense

It does produce a lot of feeling especially if like your questioning a relationship with someone...are they just there or are they really there?

i like it! :heart:
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